Is This How It Goes?
At the start of the 2024 school year I made a promise to myself that I was going to start my day in a way that supported peace and mental health. Our church had been focused on “you could be doing all of the right things, and not in the Bible, so nothing really matters.” Oh how I felt this. I was living my best life. I was “healthy”, “happy”, and “thriving.” Something was missing.
I am a big believer in NOT complaining about anything until I have done everything within my power to change the situation. I wrote “Give Yourself Less to Complain About” and I truly stand by it. So before I went down the “what is wrong with me” spiral, I went to the Bible. Couldn’t hurt, right?
I have done many devotionals. I have been a part of so many Bible study groups. I read the Bible from time to time. I will buy a book, follow a plan, and listen to a podcast about the Bible. If I am being real life, I just don’t really follow through. So while grasping for peace and comfort, I made a decision: Just open the Bible. Open it daily. Start at chapter 1. Read it. In order. That’s what I have done. I started in Matthew. I have worked my way through 2 books now. Every. Single. Morning. I say this prayer: “Lord, just tell me what I need to hear right now for this day.” He has not disappointed me yet.
So, I am cured, right? Life is rainbows and sunshine, right?
Absolutely not.
I think I felt that starting my day with Jesus would solve everything. I would find that missing piece and peace. I would fill that missing feeling inside. Well, I am here to report: kinda.
Child on the left: Me thinking I am doing all things right. Child on the right: BUT WHY ARE THINGS STILL HARD FOR ME?!
However, I feel that when I am doing exactly what God wants me to do….. the enemy truly feels the need to attack HARDER.
Example: (or several. Real life, right?)
I have NEVER been on time, on schedule, word for word, hanging on to a group Bible study. Until now. I am working through a book with Coaches’ Wives. I am LOVING every page. I even went WAY WAY WAY out of my comfort zone and typed the questions to discuss and sent them out to the group. I was READY. I had notes and real life experiences to share. The time came to meet. I am on my way to the meeting. 2 miles from the group and Cart Cain starts projectile vomiting. Everywhere. I miss the study and have to turn around. Then bathe a child and clean a carseat and Yukon. I am reminded of the disappointment for 3 days when I open the door and I’m hit with vomit residue smell.
Thanks, enemy.
I am living my abosolute best teacher life ever. I am walking on clouds and touching rainbows in the sky I am so filled with happiness. Then the enemy attacks that with negativity and hurt.
This season is hard. Coach is frustrated and working harder than ever. We aren’t winning. But I am praying harder and love a program more than I ever have in my entire life.
Enemy attacks.
People are just real people and I find myself disappointed in them. I am just ehhhhhhhh…… that person is not really being what I thought they were. I find myself disappointed in people.
Enemy.
Parenting? Ha. I am thriving one second and then the next I am about to cry my eyes out because I am so sick of listening to complaining from a 9 year old and 3 year old. The day I hit 44 days of reading, I was having the BEST morning. Then Calla cried at 6:30am because I poured too much cereal and Cart cried because his favorite red jacket was dirty. I lost it. (I am also married to the most calm person on the planet and let me tell you…. when I am crying and they are crying and he is all like, “it is fineeeeeeeee” I cry louder than anyone.)
Enemy attacks again.
The difference? When these moments are piling up during the day, I find myself remembering the scripture that I wrote in my journal from this morning and the many mornings before. I find myself sharing what I read in the Bible with others. LET ME TELL YOU…. .this is SO NOT ME.
Reading daily has not kept me from experiencing the mid season meltdown. It just gives me to tools and comfort in knowing that God’s plan is glorious and always works out into the most beautiful season ever. The winning season.
If you are having a tough season, but calling all of the right plays…. go back to the playbook. Rewrite the game plan. It has been the game changer for me.
